"Let me get this straight... You're doing this why???"
|Sums it up nicely I think...|
|Scanning the horizon on the Skeleton Coast in Namibia|
Fast forward to present and I've recently wrapped up a painful divorce. I'll spare you the details, but know that it has been incredibly stressful, painful, and trying on me over the last year. Through it all, I've come to the realization that I never really had time to figure out who I was. I knew who 'we' were, but had never really spent time alone reflecting and pondering what it was that I wanted. That sounds selfish, and quite frankly a portion of it is, but I honestly don't think a relationship will work if both parties don't really understand what drives them, what they are passionate about, what they are truly looking for in life and in a mate, and willing to give 100% to the relationship and partner. Without this, I feel there will always be something missing, and that there won't be 100% given from either side. Long story short and without going into detail on everything else, I changed, she changed, our relationship changed. Because of that unfortunate realization, we decided to split.
|Ya feel me?|
Who knows, maybe I'll only check off one of the items on 'the list'. Maybe I'll finish this trip and that'll be it, I will have finished the trip. But, "for what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.” ~ The Curious Case of Benjamin Button screenplay by Eric Roth
|Aboard a chiva in Cartagena, Colombia|
|My mother and Tim at their home in Loganville, GA|
Around three years ago, Tim was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. Shortly after, the cancer metastacized to his liver. The doctors originally gave him less than a year to live, but chemo helped. He fought and fought, and went through four or five different chemo drug treatments. When the final drug stopped working, he was accepted to be part of a clinical trial for a new drug being tested at Emory University. The drug worked for some time, but recently became ineffective. The cancer has now spread to his lungs and the doctors have ordered to stop all treatment. They gave him two to six months for this to all play out and that was almost three months ago. Tim is currently at home with a hospice nurse and my mother. He seems to be hanging in there at the moment, but is getting weaker and more tired by the day. My journey will begin with a trip to Atlanta to be with them. I want to spend time with Tim to tell him the things I mentioned above. I also want to spend time with my mother to ensure that she is ok from an emotional and financial perspective. Tim is an amazing man and watching him struggle with this not only shows me that the people that don't deserve it usually get it, but that life is short. Sometimes way too short...
So there you go, several reasons 'why'. Not as clear cut as I thought when I was originally considering a trip like this. I didn't think I would have to go through a divorce, quit an amazing job, and potentially witness the passing of a loved one to push me to do it. However, that is my maybe and my 'why' and I'm sticking to it.
|Putting around on a rented scoot in Koh Tao, Thailand|